“We are not given equal opportunities. Men are not letting us grow!” most of the times I hear these statements in Women forums, meetings or even a coffee discussion. “We need to empower women!” few more voices. “Oh! She just does what she wants and is dominant. Is she a typical woman?”, “She just doesn’t care for her family. She is selfish” some contradictory statements from our Women folks about other women! Hearing all this just made me smile as always.
What is Women empowerment? – Is it all about cursing men? Is it all about complaining why we are unable to grow? Is it all about crying on all the hurdles we have? Is it all about intolerance when one among us is growing? Let’s park away our feminist thoughts for a while.
Let’s first understand the definition of empowerment. Empowerment refers to the process of becoming stronger and more confident to increase the degree of autonomy and self determination. While the whole definition talks about key words such as “stronger, confidence, autonomy and self determination”, don’t we need to understand that these are more associated with self improvement and self well-being? Of course, there maybe external hindrances but how are we as individuals overcoming them is the challenge. Is it worthy to cry and crib of the external interference and the hurdles which we have?
Now, if empowerment is about developing self confidence and inner strength to be self dependent, then women empowerment should only be about improving these qualities in a woman and developing her traits. Isn’t it? Just because some mass crowd makes a noise of “Women empowerment, don’t treat us like slaves, someone is not providing opportunities” we understand women empowerment in a wrong way!
Where does women empowerment initiate from? Who empowers us? Is it our family, friends, society, colleagues? Maybe to some extent. But predominantly it is we who first need to empower ourselves.
I’m a woman. Yes, I have my cycles. I have extreme mood swings. I have both physical and mental agony during such times. “Why are men not understanding me? Why is my husband not comforting me? Why are my colleagues tasking me so much? I’m unwell and I’m weak – I’m a woman!” Who tells this? This is the first step where we put ourselves down. Rather, why don’t we understand that what we are going through is the law of nature. Why don’t we try to comfort ourselves and come out of this? There are a millions of ways to get out of such mental agony. This is empowerment.
“I’m a newly married woman. I need to give up my priorities. I have the responsibility of handling my home and work. I’d slow down on my career” – Many times we excuse ourselves which is fine if we understand that we chose to slow down and we cannot complain. “I cannot work longer or harder and my colleagues need to understand this. I am a woman” – this excuse is never fine. Taking advantage of being a woman is never called empowerment. We’re just degrading the entire women race by doing so. Try to tell yourself “This is an exciting journey. New responsibilities of a wife and managing my work well in time. Yes, I can do it without any excuse” – this is empowerment.
“I’m pregnant. I have my own difficulties. My hormones are crazy. My colleagues are worst. They don’t understand my situation. Nobody empowers women” – this is not empowerment. “Yes, I will handle as much as I can. In a situation where my body and mind does not co-operate, I will take a break with no complains. But yes, I will return back with double the strength. My success is not stopped but only paused for a while. I can do it when I’m back” – this is empowerment.
“My toddler is looking for me. I need work life balance and I can only work 5 hours a day. My managers should not expect me to work longer. They should be sensible and understand I’m a woman with a small kid at home. They should have empathy over me. My colleagues should take care of my tasks considering my situation” – this is not empowerment. “I swear to manage my situation and keep myself under control. I will never let my personal situations spoil what I have taken up. If in a situation, it’s not possible for me to continue, I’d accept it and come back after a break. I will never curse for my decision later as I have decided what my path needs to be” – this is empowerment.
Truly understanding that every hurdle can be fought over and overcome is empowerment. We know the law of nature and chose to take this path – be it career or family. Hence crying over it and asking for discounts being a woman can never become empowerment. Quota is not our aim. Let’s not ask for it.
How many times have we excused ourselves with our situations? How many times have we mentioned “but.. I’m a woman”. What are we meaning uttering such statements? Do we mean women are inferior races and are weak by nature? If this is what we mean, then it’s definitely not the others putting us down but ourselves. When you need a pause, take it, relax, come back and fight. Never cry! Next time when someone asks us “What is women empowerment?” lets understand the true essence and tell ourselves “Arising and shining for ourselves without taking an advantage of the imagined weaknesses”. Let’s empower ourselves!
Subhaguna's Blog 