Change your outlook!

Friday Evening! After quite a tough review week at work, I was traveling back home from office. My weekend mode had not yet set in as I had to attend evening calls. A Facebook post tempted me to read it. “Working Mom Makes Awesome Edits To Daughter’s Sexist Homework” – yet another stereotype maybe! I thought. As I read the article, it mentioned about a school homework which was given to a child and how her working mother changed it!

It goes like this: “Lisa was not happy. Her mother was back at work. Lisa had to get to school on time. Her father had to get to work on time. And now, her mother was in a rush, too…..” the story continues. It brings a picture that the girl is worried as her mom got back to work. The mother of a student who was doing this homework has corrected it as follows: “The morning was wonderful,” she started. “Lisa had to get to school on time. Her mother had to get to work on time. Her father was home on his paid paternity leave, caring for Lisa’s younger brother and contributing equally to the running of the household. No one was in a rush because Dad had things firmly under control.” It continues. The lady has beautifully changed the version of a negative story into a positive one. Of course, she has broken the stereotype that “A working woman brings imbalance or agony to home!” This correction has gone viral in Facebook.

I closed my eyes for a moment!

“Subha, I pity your family. You’re most of the times at work!”

“Subha, does your husband not scold you for spending much time at work?”

“Hey, I see you working and then you write sometimes.. Looks like you don’t enjoy your time with family!”

“Maybe her family life isn’t good and that’s why she is working”

“Who teaches your daughter to do her homework?”

“Who would cook if you work longer in the evenings?”

How many times had I faced all these different questions in different tones and sarcastic looks? I have also heard comments such as “You are a woman! You need to slow down and also think of your family!” Well, I respect the ones who really had a concern over me and made some statements at times. But for some it is a coffee talk too!

I smiled onto myself and continued my review call. I parked my thoughts for the next three hours. After finishing the final tasks, I closed my call. My mind continued the reflection of my evening thoughts.

I strongly believe that one is responsible for his or her own life. That’s why when most women state generically “Men don’t provide opportunities or men are the barriers” I oppose their statements. We women should just not give excuses but do our best and everything would fall in place. Why do we have to blame others and excuse ourselves!

But in some situations like this, I feel annoyed at the stereotype of a woman. A woman is definitely tender and a symbol of love and care. But it does not mean that her life is meant only for her family. Her life is meant for her too. She can have her own dreams and ambitions too. Family is as equal to her passion. She does not necessarily work for monetary benefits only. Beyond that she has career aspirations too! Have we heard someone pity a man for working hard? Have we heard someone worried for a man who works for many years? Have we looked down on men if their wives share the finance load by earning too?

But it’s sad that we curse a woman who works hard that she does not care for her family. It’s sad that we pity her assuming her personal life isn’t good. It’s sad that we look down on her when she is asking her husband to help her with house chores! Saddest is that we look down at her husband and comment “She must be dominating at home and he doesn’t have a voice!” Do we really know their lives to comment?

Behind every working woman, there are definitely all the struggles and emotions. Working woman do not mean that they do nothing at home. There are many of us who get ready to work while in parallel get our kids ready to school. There are many of us who are good drivers, dropping the kids to school and driving to office. There are many of us who take care of all little things at home and stay focused at work too. There are many of us attending office calls after returning home, while the vegetables boil on the stove for dinner. There are many of us who do better project work for our little ones. There are many of us setting good examples to our little daughters of how independent a girl must be. There are many of us who are nurturing our little ones by our living.

If a man cooks, cleans or baby sits, he necessarily need not be ridiculed. It does not mean he is suppressed to his wife but only means he respects her ambitions. It only means he helps her sustain both home and work. It only means that they are making it a meaningful relationship by helping each other.

Before you make a statement “I pity her kid. She does not give time for her!”, just remember that “there may be a stronger girl growing up seeing her mom as her inspiration”. Before you make a statement “I pity her. Maybe she has a less caring family and so spends all her time at work”, just remember “Maybe she has a loving husband who takes care of the family while she is away and so she focuses so well at work!”. Before you make a statement “Working women have no care and concern over the family”, remember “they do what your home makers do at home and what you do at work“. Approach things in a positive way or don’t approach it!

Well, my long day at work ends with doing something I’m passionate about – reflecting and writing. Waiting to read this as a bed time story to my little one!

It’s time to change your outlook!