“Cabin crew ready for take off” the announcement stated. I was traveling on an assignment to Germany. As the flight took off, as usual my heart palpitated thinking of my 6 year old at home and that I was going to stay away from my family for few weeks. A strange emotional feeling attacked me and I noticed the unnoticed tears rolling down my cheeks. “Why is this strange this time?” I asked myself but didn’t have an answer. After nine hours, I landed in Frankfurt and then transferred to Berlin.
It was a Friday evening. After a stressful week at work, I was bidding goodbye to my colleagues. My colleague asked me “What is your plan for the weekend?” and I said “Nothing. I’d just do Skype calls and talk to my family”. “Good! However you could go around Berlin to see some places or even a day trip. You need to enjoy your time for yourself” said he. I smiled. This was my usual routine weekend whenever I’m on a Business trip. Many friends and colleagues have asked me “Don’t you feel sad to leave away your daughter and going on an assignment?” I never answered. But I felt guilty at times too.
This time I decided to plan a weekend for myself. Venice – a place that I wanted to visit. I booked my tickets and accommodation for the weekend. Although I had enthusiastically booked my tickets, I was less interested to go when the day arrived. However I reached the airport and took my flight. After transferring to the city, vibrant colors of the carnival attracted me. It was colorful everywhere. People were dressed in different kinds of attire and wore masks. Parades all around the city made the city fascinating. After spending about half a day at the carnival, I moved to the apartment. It was a shared apartment and I met 3 women who were my apartment mates for the next day.
It was 6 pm and I freshened up myself and came to the TV hall. “Hi, I am Subha from India” said I. “Hello, I am Eva from Spain” ,”Hi, I am Khang from Korea”, “Hello, I am Lucia from Argentina”. We spoke about the different countries, culture, family system, tourist places etc. I was amazed to hear Khang telling me that she is on an European trip for 72 days. Eva mentioned that she was on a weekend trip like me and Lucia on a 2 week trip. What was common among us was all of us were sole women travelers. Eva was a mechanical engineer by profession, Khang a nurse, and Lucia a corporate professional. As we sipped coffee together, we shared the cookies and snacks that each of us had. “I work very hard for five years and put back some money for a bigger trip. Then every five years I spend 2 months of vacation” Khang said.
“If a woman travels alone, that doesn’t mean that she is open and would allow any man beside her. It’s just that she enjoys being herself and her own companionship. Some people do not understand it” said Lucia. “That’s true. I have traveled 14 countries by myself and I know my own boundaries. Travel is my interest” said Khang.
“We stayed in the same apartment for few days already now but never spoke to each other. Thanks for getting us introduced to each other. You are very friendly” Khang smiled at me. “Thank you” I said. I spoke of my plan for the next day and Eva agreed to join me. The next day, we planned to visit the Murano and Burano islands. As we took the water taxi, we spoke of our work life and so on. “I like to work in different countries. I change the country every 4 years at least. My last assignment was in Germany and I have decided where I want to work next – Italy” she said. “The new company would pay me lesser than what I am earning today. But still my passion is to explore places and hence thats ok to me. I don’t need more money but more life! Travel is my anti-depressant” she said. I was really happy to hear someone say she cares less for money. After much more general conversation and lovely time together, we bid goodbye to each other.
Later that night after arriving back to Berlin, my mind wandered around the conversations with these lovely ladies whom I met. How true is that one needs to find happiness in his or her own companionship also? How many days have I cribbed for being far away from my family on such trips? Is there something I could do at that point of time? Could I fly back immediately? Can I not spend my time doing the little things for myself? Is that called selfishness? Questions were flowing.
Turning your loneliness into an opportunity for yourself is not selfishness! I started writing down little things that made me happy. I started cooking my favorite dishes that I stopped cooking for some years now since my husband didn’t like. I started watching the movies that I wanted to watch for a long time. I started reading the long pending books that I had. I started listening to old music which was not a favorite playlist at my home.
We often fail to prioritize ourselves when it comes to our family. It is good to take care of our family and work but it is also necessary to take care of ourselves and our interests. How many times have we postponed doing something that was once our interest or hobby just excusing we don’t have time? Why do we feel stressed out at times? Why do we start complaining to our spouses “I do everything for you but you aren’t giving me enough time?” It is because, fundamentally we are living for others and not for ourselves.
I made up my mind that I need to take out one hour of my time everyday only for myself. Be it reading, writing, music or movies – the one hour of my private time is only for myself. I started feeling fresh everyday. I noticed that my complains on my routine life was coming down day by day. Work was no more stressful. House chores were no more stressful. I kept up my regular blogging in which I found more happiness. I kept up my personal journal of thoughts.
I got reminded of my story writing notebook I maintained in my fifth standard as my hobby. I remembered my school days writing an essay or a story every Sunday. I rediscovered the little girl in myself.
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